Monday, September 9, 2013

『Throwback Monday』Lose Weight or Die Trying?

I've always been the "BIG" kid in school ever since the age when all the girls started to be conscious about boys and fashion. I'm really short, so even 1/2 kilo looks like 5 kilos on me. I remember because I was always larger and fuller than most girls my age, I got asked out by seniors when I was in primary school and by college boys when I was in junior high. I took that as compliments then and that's when my weight problem really began.

At the age of 15. I was 156 cm in height and 52 kg in weight - that was my highest weight in history at that time, and all the girls around me with the same height were below 40 kg, I felt like the elephant in the room, literally. So I started my first losing weight journey ever. During spring break, I lost 8.5 kg in total and returned school as the hot popular chick. I think I maintained a really low calorie diet afterwards for a year, then a normal eating habit for two years and was able to keep all the weights off until second year in college. With all the partying, late snacking and drinking, I went back to 52 kg with 160 cm in height. Things started going the wrong way since then especially after I moved to Holland, I developed an eating disorder called BED. Unlike drinking and smoking, with eating, you can't just stop all of it, it takes too much of a discipline which I lack apparently. So for the past years I've been yo-yoing with my weight, never managed to keep the weights I lost for more than a couple of months, if I add all the weights I've lost in total, I think it's more than 40 kg...shocking, I know...

I'm still struggling fighting the BED but I don't know if I should start losing weight again...I don't hate my size or anything at this moment, but every time I go down the street I do feel a lil' bad about myself. The reason I don't want to go down the dieting road again is not only because of all the suffering, but mostly because I dunno if I'd be able to keep the lost weights off and the yo-yoing is worse/unhealthier than being slightly fat.


This was me about a year ago (BMI 19.5).
I was definitely much happier, but I dunno if it's all because I was thinner...

















And this is me NOW (BMI 23.5).

I miss my figure from last summer, I really do...but I dunno if I should go on a diet again...
Should I?

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